5.5 Weeks

I wake up, Chris is off to work.  I stumble out of bed and head to the bathroom.  It was a normal pee type situation, no big deal. 

Blood.  I scream, I cry, I shake, I know this is not normal.  CALL PHONE DAD NOW. As a million horrible things are going through my head, this was the only thing I could think to do.  I grab my phone, call my dad tell him what's going on.  He tells me he is sorry and to call the doctor.

I call the doctor and they tell me to come in right away. 

THIS CAN'T BE REAL
IT'S NOT REAL
JUST BREATHE, BREATHE

15min later Chris came flying home and we rush to the doctors.

They give me a piece of paper to take to the lab so I can get an HCG Quant.  Which is a fancy way of saying let's see what your levels are doing to see if you are having a miscarriage.  As the nurse is talking to me about this I am looking over the paper.  And in the doctors office I start crying so hard it hurts, and I couldn't of cared less who was watching me.  The technical term for a miscarriage is "missed abortion" for some reason seeing that hurt, bad. I make a mental note to bitch about that later and head down to the lab.

We get the lab work done, wait an hour and go back to the docs office.  They check me out, look over my levels and all seemed well.  Doctor thinks it's not a big deal.  Tells me he is a little concerned but nothing to start freaking out about.  Breathe.

In 48 hours I would need to go back and get another HCG Quant to make sure my levels were going up.  If they were up, all was well. 

48 hours letter, a bruised arm, bloodshot eyes, a husband and wife emotionally drained.  We had officially been through the ringer.  To be honest with you, those 48 hours were the worst of my life.  Time slows down to a halt, and you wonder how you are going to get through each and every minute.

We can do this.  Together.

That evening I get a call from the doctor.  As soon as I heard his voice I just knew.  He said, "Caitlin I'm so sorry your levels dropped down to thirty, you are in fact having a miscarriage. If there is anything you need I am here."  The only thing I could possibly squeak out is, "why? why is this happening to us?"  He informs us how common first time miscarriage is.  That if there is any light in any of this we were lucky it happened so early on.  Before we made it to the seven week appointment.

Lucky.

After a good week of crying, hurting emotionally and physically, I realize we can do this.  We can do this.  We will do this.  Breathe.