Ok I know what you are thinking. This is going to be one of those blogs someone starts, then life gets more interesting and forgets all about it. Well....my life is not anymore interesting but I had a very busy week! Yes, me busy, I know, but I was! My parents came in town last week and stayed until Sunday. We had a great time. We even drug the old folks out to the Hard Rock Casino. I lost forty bucks, my dad won $75 and Chris was smart enough not to play. After throwing their keys into a small field off I44 and freezing their car doors shut, I decided to let them go. It is always hard seeing family leave after such a great time.
We finished our first round of Clomid and let me just say yech. It actually wasn't too bad apart from the hot flashes, cramping and slight grumpiness (Chris appreciated that one). I am happy to report that there was no broad in sight spinning around in circles with a slight case of blurry vision. Although, there was one sitting on the couch in capris and a tank top, drinking an ice tea and bitching about how hot it was in there (66 degrees to be correct). Aside from my husband thinking I'm clinically insane it went alright.
For all you out there trying to conceive, you will understand this. I am close to being in the dreaded two week wait. DUN DUN DUN! See you all soon :o)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Clomid Round One... FIGHT!
After our second miscarriage I ended up calling my OBGYN from Nebraska. I had told her everything that has gone on thus far. The first thing she said was, "we need to get you on some Clomid to help out those levels you got going on." With my dad and my old doctor giving us the same advice we decided to move forward. While this was not an easy decision, as we love our doctor here it felt right to us to move forward with this. I honestly can't stress enough how much of a great doctor our doctor here is. He just has a different approach, not a bad one just one that didn't work for us.
So, until we find a new doctor here in Oklahoma my old doctor in Nebraska is going to be taking care of me. Yes, this involves lots of road trips back home. About twice a month. It is doable and this new plan gives Chris and I hope, that maybe just maybe this plan will work.
Now after reading some of the side effects, while rare, of Clomid I came to the conclusion that I will be a snappy broad on her period while spinning round in circles being dizzy and having a slight case of blurry vision. And let's be honest here for a minute, I really just think this sounds like a case of drinking too much wine and being on my period. At least, I will save some money on wine this month. I kid! I kid!
Today is cycle day three. The first day of Clomid. Wish us luck!
::Gulp::
::Swallow::
Am I pregnant yet?
So, until we find a new doctor here in Oklahoma my old doctor in Nebraska is going to be taking care of me. Yes, this involves lots of road trips back home. About twice a month. It is doable and this new plan gives Chris and I hope, that maybe just maybe this plan will work.
Now after reading some of the side effects, while rare, of Clomid I came to the conclusion that I will be a snappy broad on her period while spinning round in circles being dizzy and having a slight case of blurry vision. And let's be honest here for a minute, I really just think this sounds like a case of drinking too much wine and being on my period. At least, I will save some money on wine this month. I kid! I kid!
Today is cycle day three. The first day of Clomid. Wish us luck!
::Gulp::
::Swallow::
Am I pregnant yet?
Friday, January 21, 2011
A Few Days Later
I was feeling pregnant again.
Symptoms as usual, on high alert:
Overall Feeling: Check.
Boobs Sore: This time no need to hit, check.
Tired: Check.
Eyes Semi Glowing: Seriously, I know, I know! But check.
Alright, 15 pee sticks later, a bathroom that looked like a meth lab or some crazy science experiment gone wrong, I got my positive.
Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap.
I called my doctor. Tells me to come on in and get another HCG Quant. Knowing this is going to be another 48 hour deal, I eat Oreos in bed. Lots of Oreos.
24 hours later I find out I am officially pregnant. Taking this in, I realize I need to approach this very cautiously. As hard as I tried, naturally, I got excited.
After I got my blood taken again (one needle this time thank you very much) my nurse calls me and tells me my progesterone came back and rang in at an 8. Hey, that's better than 1.9 right? Right. She tells me she is going to call in some progesterone tablets to take until the 12 week mark as soon as she gets the results for the second HCG pull.
Feeling like a nervous wreck, I wait. Wait for the call.
The next day my doctor calls me. He said, "Caitlin I'm so sorry, your HCG dropped to seven, you are having another miscarriage. Go ahead and stop taking the progesterone (what progesterone?) and try to relax. I don't feel as though we need to do any further testing. Let's wait and see what happens."
As my body turns numb, I call my husband. 15 min later he is home.
I kick, I scream about how life isn't fair, I cry, I can't move. I need to breathe, one in, one out. OK.
The hardest part of a miscarriage for me is the steps you go through. You have to take in what is going on. When you feel there is no possible way you can. You have to swallow this and you have to wait. Wait for it all to begin. There is physical pain, there is emotional pain, there is numbness in between, and there is God. Who seems to help you get through it all.
Chris and I again, saved each other from falling down too many times, and holding each other up when we needed it. I love him, he is the most important thing in my life.
So here I am, and all I can think is that I am going to need a lot more Oreos.
Symptoms as usual, on high alert:
Overall Feeling: Check.
Boobs Sore: This time no need to hit, check.
Tired: Check.
Eyes Semi Glowing: Seriously, I know, I know! But check.
Alright, 15 pee sticks later, a bathroom that looked like a meth lab or some crazy science experiment gone wrong, I got my positive.
Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap.
I called my doctor. Tells me to come on in and get another HCG Quant. Knowing this is going to be another 48 hour deal, I eat Oreos in bed. Lots of Oreos.
24 hours later I find out I am officially pregnant. Taking this in, I realize I need to approach this very cautiously. As hard as I tried, naturally, I got excited.
After I got my blood taken again (one needle this time thank you very much) my nurse calls me and tells me my progesterone came back and rang in at an 8. Hey, that's better than 1.9 right? Right. She tells me she is going to call in some progesterone tablets to take until the 12 week mark as soon as she gets the results for the second HCG pull.
Feeling like a nervous wreck, I wait. Wait for the call.
The next day my doctor calls me. He said, "Caitlin I'm so sorry, your HCG dropped to seven, you are having another miscarriage. Go ahead and stop taking the progesterone (what progesterone?) and try to relax. I don't feel as though we need to do any further testing. Let's wait and see what happens."
As my body turns numb, I call my husband. 15 min later he is home.
I kick, I scream about how life isn't fair, I cry, I can't move. I need to breathe, one in, one out. OK.
The hardest part of a miscarriage for me is the steps you go through. You have to take in what is going on. When you feel there is no possible way you can. You have to swallow this and you have to wait. Wait for it all to begin. There is physical pain, there is emotional pain, there is numbness in between, and there is God. Who seems to help you get through it all.
Chris and I again, saved each other from falling down too many times, and holding each other up when we needed it. I love him, he is the most important thing in my life.
So here I am, and all I can think is that I am going to need a lot more Oreos.
Moving On..
After you have a miscarriage you are supposed to wait for two regular cycles to start trying again. I waited one, why you may ask? Because I like to live on the edge.
Around Christmas time we were planning on heading up to Nebraska to spend time with the family. I decided I was going to have my dad do some blood work to see if I was pregnant. He threw in a progesterone test for good measure.
That same day (my dad rocks), he called me and told me we weren't pregnant but my progesterone level was 1.9. Sounding good to me, I told him I would see him later that night. Not sounding good to him he told me that a normal progesterone level for a woman trying to get pregnant is supposed to be at least 12-14. Well shit.
My dad is a man with a plan. He comes home that night, and tells Chris and I what he would do if I was just any normal patient coming into his office. He told us he would put us on Clomid. I do ovulate sometimes, I did get pregnant, but Clomid can actually help the body pump out more of the bodies natural hormones. Which would boost up my progesterone levels and help the egg fully attach to the uterus. This plans sounds like a winner.
At this point I want to be 13 again, so I have my dad call my doctor and he shares the levels, my doc says he is going to put me on it and to make an appointment for when I get back home.
A few weeks later, the day is here, I am going to see my doctor. YAY!
Doctor says he wants to wait, wants to give us a few more months, to see if things work out on it's own. I can't blame him, I mean he isn't God or anything. And to be honest, progesterone testing is kind of a black and white thing for doctors. Some believe in it and some don't. My dad does, my doctor doesn't. That's a tricky situation right there.
Before leaving the office the doctor wants to do a bit more blood work. Check the progesterone levels on the same day my dad did and check out a few other things. After getting stuck 6 times (newbie nurse). I'm on my way home.
Around Christmas time we were planning on heading up to Nebraska to spend time with the family. I decided I was going to have my dad do some blood work to see if I was pregnant. He threw in a progesterone test for good measure.
That same day (my dad rocks), he called me and told me we weren't pregnant but my progesterone level was 1.9. Sounding good to me, I told him I would see him later that night. Not sounding good to him he told me that a normal progesterone level for a woman trying to get pregnant is supposed to be at least 12-14. Well shit.
My dad is a man with a plan. He comes home that night, and tells Chris and I what he would do if I was just any normal patient coming into his office. He told us he would put us on Clomid. I do ovulate sometimes, I did get pregnant, but Clomid can actually help the body pump out more of the bodies natural hormones. Which would boost up my progesterone levels and help the egg fully attach to the uterus. This plans sounds like a winner.
At this point I want to be 13 again, so I have my dad call my doctor and he shares the levels, my doc says he is going to put me on it and to make an appointment for when I get back home.
A few weeks later, the day is here, I am going to see my doctor. YAY!
Doctor says he wants to wait, wants to give us a few more months, to see if things work out on it's own. I can't blame him, I mean he isn't God or anything. And to be honest, progesterone testing is kind of a black and white thing for doctors. Some believe in it and some don't. My dad does, my doctor doesn't. That's a tricky situation right there.
Before leaving the office the doctor wants to do a bit more blood work. Check the progesterone levels on the same day my dad did and check out a few other things. After getting stuck 6 times (newbie nurse). I'm on my way home.
5.5 Weeks
I wake up, Chris is off to work. I stumble out of bed and head to the bathroom. It was a normal pee type situation, no big deal.
Blood. I scream, I cry, I shake, I know this is not normal. CALL PHONE DAD NOW. As a million horrible things are going through my head, this was the only thing I could think to do. I grab my phone, call my dad tell him what's going on. He tells me he is sorry and to call the doctor.
I call the doctor and they tell me to come in right away.
THIS CAN'T BE REAL
IT'S NOT REAL
JUST BREATHE, BREATHE
15min later Chris came flying home and we rush to the doctors.
They give me a piece of paper to take to the lab so I can get an HCG Quant. Which is a fancy way of saying let's see what your levels are doing to see if you are having a miscarriage. As the nurse is talking to me about this I am looking over the paper. And in the doctors office I start crying so hard it hurts, and I couldn't of cared less who was watching me. The technical term for a miscarriage is "missed abortion" for some reason seeing that hurt, bad. I make a mental note to bitch about that later and head down to the lab.
We get the lab work done, wait an hour and go back to the docs office. They check me out, look over my levels and all seemed well. Doctor thinks it's not a big deal. Tells me he is a little concerned but nothing to start freaking out about. Breathe.
In 48 hours I would need to go back and get another HCG Quant to make sure my levels were going up. If they were up, all was well.
48 hours letter, a bruised arm, bloodshot eyes, a husband and wife emotionally drained. We had officially been through the ringer. To be honest with you, those 48 hours were the worst of my life. Time slows down to a halt, and you wonder how you are going to get through each and every minute.
We can do this. Together.
That evening I get a call from the doctor. As soon as I heard his voice I just knew. He said, "Caitlin I'm so sorry your levels dropped down to thirty, you are in fact having a miscarriage. If there is anything you need I am here." The only thing I could possibly squeak out is, "why? why is this happening to us?" He informs us how common first time miscarriage is. That if there is any light in any of this we were lucky it happened so early on. Before we made it to the seven week appointment.
Lucky.
After a good week of crying, hurting emotionally and physically, I realize we can do this. We can do this. We will do this. Breathe.
Blood. I scream, I cry, I shake, I know this is not normal. CALL PHONE DAD NOW. As a million horrible things are going through my head, this was the only thing I could think to do. I grab my phone, call my dad tell him what's going on. He tells me he is sorry and to call the doctor.
I call the doctor and they tell me to come in right away.
THIS CAN'T BE REAL
IT'S NOT REAL
JUST BREATHE, BREATHE
15min later Chris came flying home and we rush to the doctors.
They give me a piece of paper to take to the lab so I can get an HCG Quant. Which is a fancy way of saying let's see what your levels are doing to see if you are having a miscarriage. As the nurse is talking to me about this I am looking over the paper. And in the doctors office I start crying so hard it hurts, and I couldn't of cared less who was watching me. The technical term for a miscarriage is "missed abortion" for some reason seeing that hurt, bad. I make a mental note to bitch about that later and head down to the lab.
We get the lab work done, wait an hour and go back to the docs office. They check me out, look over my levels and all seemed well. Doctor thinks it's not a big deal. Tells me he is a little concerned but nothing to start freaking out about. Breathe.
In 48 hours I would need to go back and get another HCG Quant to make sure my levels were going up. If they were up, all was well.
48 hours letter, a bruised arm, bloodshot eyes, a husband and wife emotionally drained. We had officially been through the ringer. To be honest with you, those 48 hours were the worst of my life. Time slows down to a halt, and you wonder how you are going to get through each and every minute.
We can do this. Together.
That evening I get a call from the doctor. As soon as I heard his voice I just knew. He said, "Caitlin I'm so sorry your levels dropped down to thirty, you are in fact having a miscarriage. If there is anything you need I am here." The only thing I could possibly squeak out is, "why? why is this happening to us?" He informs us how common first time miscarriage is. That if there is any light in any of this we were lucky it happened so early on. Before we made it to the seven week appointment.
Lucky.
After a good week of crying, hurting emotionally and physically, I realize we can do this. We can do this. We will do this. Breathe.
4 Weeks
So here I am. I got that precious positive that I have been looking for. Now what the heck do you do? Call the doc? Sure, that sounds good. Let's do this.
I call my doctor to make an appointment, and I am thinking, surely they will want to see me today, I mean this pregnancy stuff is nothing to mess around with. Right? No, the sweet little secretary at the front desk nicely informs me they will see me at seven weeks. WAIT! WHAT?! Mam, I think you made a mistake I thought you said seven weeks.
She had made no mistake I was on my own with this thing. I started to panic just a little.
What do I eat?
How much do I eat?
Can I take a bath?
Are hot showers out of the question?
Am I going to freeze for the rest of eternity?
OK calm down. This is getting a little ridiculous. No, I can't. I'm going to call my fajher. I mean he is an OBGYN, I don't have to pay him. So I think it's a great idea if I bug the shit out of him with every little thing. I need to know. Yup that's the plan.
My dad has known for a long time I have had very irregular cycles. Maybe with a touch of a Luteal Phase Defect. Tells me I need to call my doctor and ask him for a progesterone test.
Phone the secretary at my doctors office, which by the way, started to get a little annoying at this point. Informs me nope he doesn't need to see me and I will be in the office at seven weeks. That lady was crazy, I must speak with a nurse.
Left a message for the nurse and I am feeling pretty important right now, if I do say so myself, as the doctor called me back himself.
"Caitlin, I know that it is hard not to worry, but I am not concerned with your progesterone levels, you did in fact conceive. I will see you at seven weeks." ::ugh:: This seven weeks things is really starting to get to me.
Call my dad back, he says, "would you like me to call him? I would really like that test done." I tell my dad I'm not 13 and all, I can handle this one.
Leave another message for the nurse (I think I may need to up my cell phone minutes, but that's for another day). Calls me back and says, "Caitlin, really, we do not do progesterone testing. We will see you at SEVEN weeks."
HUMPH. FINE. See you at seven weeks.
I call my doctor to make an appointment, and I am thinking, surely they will want to see me today, I mean this pregnancy stuff is nothing to mess around with. Right? No, the sweet little secretary at the front desk nicely informs me they will see me at seven weeks. WAIT! WHAT?! Mam, I think you made a mistake I thought you said seven weeks.
She had made no mistake I was on my own with this thing. I started to panic just a little.
What do I eat?
How much do I eat?
Can I take a bath?
Are hot showers out of the question?
Am I going to freeze for the rest of eternity?
OK calm down. This is getting a little ridiculous. No, I can't. I'm going to call my fajher. I mean he is an OBGYN, I don't have to pay him. So I think it's a great idea if I bug the shit out of him with every little thing. I need to know. Yup that's the plan.
My dad has known for a long time I have had very irregular cycles. Maybe with a touch of a Luteal Phase Defect. Tells me I need to call my doctor and ask him for a progesterone test.
Phone the secretary at my doctors office, which by the way, started to get a little annoying at this point. Informs me nope he doesn't need to see me and I will be in the office at seven weeks. That lady was crazy, I must speak with a nurse.
Left a message for the nurse and I am feeling pretty important right now, if I do say so myself, as the doctor called me back himself.
"Caitlin, I know that it is hard not to worry, but I am not concerned with your progesterone levels, you did in fact conceive. I will see you at seven weeks." ::ugh:: This seven weeks things is really starting to get to me.
Call my dad back, he says, "would you like me to call him? I would really like that test done." I tell my dad I'm not 13 and all, I can handle this one.
Leave another message for the nurse (I think I may need to up my cell phone minutes, but that's for another day). Calls me back and says, "Caitlin, really, we do not do progesterone testing. We will see you at SEVEN weeks."
HUMPH. FINE. See you at seven weeks.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Few Negatives Later..
By the way back to the title for a minute. Negatives, how bad do those suck? I mean if you are 16 you are at the top of your game. But when you want a baby yesterday, you feel like you lost the lottery! Too dramatic, yes I am a little of that. Bear with me here...
I started feeling a little pregnant.
I had all my symptoms on high alert:
Let's test. I mean I'm only 5 days away, those test say they pick it up that soon. Let's do it.
About 5 days later and 30 pee sticks ruined I finally got my positive. WOOHOO! See you later pesky negative.
I started feeling a little pregnant.
I had all my symptoms on high alert:
Overall Feeling: Check
Boobs Sore: If I hit them hard enough. Semi-Check.
Tired: Double Check.
Eyes Semi Glowing: Check. Now I know you think I'm weird with this one but seriously, check.
Let's test. I mean I'm only 5 days away, those test say they pick it up that soon. Let's do it.
About 5 days later and 30 pee sticks ruined I finally got my positive. WOOHOO! See you later pesky negative.
Starting Out
We started out our journey, with two little boxes. I bought my husband, who by the way is amazing, two gifts. A box with a little blue onsie and another with a little pink onsie. This was my way of saying let's do this. I'm all in. I mean this can't be that hard right?
So I turn to my friend Dr. Google MD. Yes, that's right you gotta follow that up with an MD. He is one knowledgeable dude. I start off finding out all the tips and tricks on how to get pregnant...fast. He has never let me down before, except for that one time I had a little bump on my arm and in five minutes I was pretty sure I had cancer. He was wrong, but no worries that was only one time.
Now that I'm ready, I order about 50 hpts, 50 ovulation predictors, and a few books to back this all up with. A million dollars later we are ready to go. I my friend, have got this in the bag.
So I turn to my friend Dr. Google MD. Yes, that's right you gotta follow that up with an MD. He is one knowledgeable dude. I start off finding out all the tips and tricks on how to get pregnant...fast. He has never let me down before, except for that one time I had a little bump on my arm and in five minutes I was pretty sure I had cancer. He was wrong, but no worries that was only one time.
Now that I'm ready, I order about 50 hpts, 50 ovulation predictors, and a few books to back this all up with. A million dollars later we are ready to go. I my friend, have got this in the bag.
Where to Begin..
I started this blog, to help organize my thoughts, bitch, moan, groan and kick into a virtual sphere for simply... mental peace. For you computer, can not talk back at me or judge me (And please, don't try because that would really freak me out). All in all, I guess it would be kinda cool if maybe our journey helps a few people going through the same thing as well. So if you are up for this roller coaster ride enjoy.
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